Believing

I still struggle to believe in myself.  I believe that is a challenge the Lord gave me to keep me humble, to build my character, to stretch my spiritual growth, and most of all to believe in Him.  To believe that His Son, Jesus Christ, has the power to reach me where I am, and to enable me with His Grace to do whatever He requires of me.  I believe in Him.  And that belief enables me to accept who I am with my weaknesses and limitations, and move forward, even if it is only 'pressing' forward (2 Nephi 31:20), to the mark of the high calling that is in Jesus Christ.  (Phillipians 3:14)

I am currently serving in my most challenging calling I've ever had:  Gospel Doctrine teacher for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints in my home ward.  I know the Lord gave me this calling to build my confidence and my belief in myself, and being in my 18th month of teaching I am beginning to feel that confidence build.  It also continues to teach me humility, which is absolutely necessary.  You cannot be an effective teacher without humility, because without humility you do not have the Holy Ghost and without the Holy Ghost you cannot teach.  (D&C 42:14)

I spend above average time reading and preparing for my lessons and gathering in supplemental material as the inspiration comes...plus, on top of that I prepare a PowerPoint to aid in the lesson, which has been a blessing to those in our ward who cannot hear, or who have physical disabilities not allowing them to use scriptures, and also how much more effective the lessons are with lots of pictures and videos from lds.org and other visual aids.  This sacrifice of time is the challenge I face because many other things have gone to the wayside like my blogs.  I have been having little promptings here and there to begin my blogs again, but recently the promptings have been overwhelming.  Today I was in the middle of working on my lesson and a lot of inspiration was flowing into my mind and next thing I knew I was sitting here making a blog post.

I read while I ride the exercise bike.  I have been reading a Time Out For Women Classics (Vol 2) and finished Hilary Week's section of the book which inspired me in every chapter, and some chapters made me weep because I felt the love of my Heavenly Father.  In one chapter she talked about the miracle of the feeding of the 5,000 by Jesus when he lived on the earth and was teaching a multitude.  He fed them with only 2 loafs of bread and 5 fishes.  He first gave thanks for what He had, and then blessed it, and everyone was filled, and then the left-overs filled baskets.  I knew where Hilary was going with this thought even before I read what she wrote, and I knew the Lord was trying to tell me the same thing.  That He can do the same with us, even if we only have 2 small loaves and 5 small fishes...He can multiple them...He can multiply us, He can multiply the gifts and talents He has given us...to be able to fulfill the works He has given us, to feed His children.  My lessons from the Old Testament this year have been on the importance of the work of the ministry & salvation and how we are all needed to do this work to help bring salvation to as many of God's children as will.  Meaning it's their choice, if they choose it.  I have felt the Lord multiply my meager offering, which was to be willing to accept the call--scared to death as I was to teach the gospel to a room full of adults---but I accepted it and somehow managed to stand up there that first Sunday that I taught without fainting--my spirit inside leaped for joy afterwards, knowing what a great gift and blessing this calling was from my Heavenly Father. 

And while there is always adversity to anything good we do, and I have had adversity in this calling (thankfully and mercifully in small part), I have had in large part the support and love of Angels in my ward who are constantly encouraging me, hugging me, thanking me, telling me they love me, and who I know without doubt appreciate the efforts I make to be there and teach them.  And this is what the Gospel is all about.  This is what the work of salvation is all about.  I am so thankful to be a part of this work, in whatever way the Lord would use me.  I truly love the scriptures and the words of our living prophet and apostles and all who love the gospel and are as deeply rooted in their faith and testimony as I am.  I often read things and wish I could hug the person who wrote it and thank them...I am so thankful for hearts in this world with which I can connect, even if I may not know them in person.  Their belief strengthens my belief, and slowly by slowly I am beginning to believe more in myself.

PS Hilary's book is entitled "Believe in What You Are Doing, Believe in Who You Are"...which is also words of a song she wrote.  I did not connect her title to my blog til after I wrote the post.  Sweet!